Memorable Moments from Visits To and From GEE Funny Farm

  

Lizzy, the bearded dragon



We pulled up to a preschool and started unloading animals.  As I took out Lizzy, the bearded dragon, children in the playground area called out:

“Hey, does that dragon have wings?”

I answered, “No, she doesn’t have wings.”
“Does it breathe fire?”
“No, sorry, she is just a plain ol’ bearded dragon.” I’m thinking to myself, “Wow!  I hope they aren’t disappointed!”
Then I pulled out Sariah, the goose.

Sariah the goose being pet,
even if she doesn't lay golden eggs.

“Does that goose lay golden eggs?”
I gulped, “No, she is just a plain old goose.  Wow!  You guys are going to be a tough audience!”
They laughed.  The teacher said, “Umm, we’ve been reading fairy tales.”
They were a great group and they liked Lizzy and Sariah, even if they were just plain ol’ animals.

 I start out each event asking, “Who here is an animal trainer?”  I let kids who raise their hand tell me which animal they trained and what they trained it to do.  I mentioned this to the USDA Inspector. 

“What is something they said they’ve trained?” 
“Well, one kid said he trained his pitbull to sit.”
“Tell them to teach their pitbulls “release!” she muttered.

 Other things kids have trained:

• A giraffe…to run.
• A dog to sit. (more than one has said this)
• A cat to use the litter box.
• A cat to stand up for a treat.
• A bird to talk when it is told to (I needed to meet with this trainer since I can't do that!)
• A train to go on the track.

We were at one event that had really been misrepresented to us.  There were too many people and we had too few helpers and our animals weren’t secure.  My assistant at the time was shocked to look over and see a child squeezing one of our chicks.  An adult was standing there watching and asked, “How many chicks do you lose at events like this?” My assistant grabbed the chick and put it into a traveling cage and snapped, “None!  We don’t do events like this!” (Well, I thought it was memorable.)

We were at a camp for kids with special needs and every time he pet an animal one young man sang out, “I did it!”  He was so excited about it.  It was fun!

We were at a preschool and one of the little boys was very afraid of the animals at first and didn’t want to stay.  By the time we left, he had pet all of them (early on I remembered the young man who sang out, “I did it” and suggested that this little boy say it, too, and he did, with a big grin) – that was a successful visit!

Gabriel

We have Gabriel, a Shetland wether (a male that has been neutered), and he has had multi-denominational experiences.  He has gone to one Christian church to give people an idea of what a lamb might look like that would be slaughtered as a Pascal lamb.  He stood out in the foyer and allowed people to pet his regal body and he went up on stage and stood regally, after he ‘marked’ his area with a few droppings.  Gabriel also showed up at a Jewish family’s home as the Pascal offering as a practical joke (we’d been promised that he would remain unscathed – which we already knew since in both cases he was NOT unblemished).  After we made that visit, the family walked us down to the Rabbi’s home where we surprised HIS family. 

We had a group at the farm and during the hayride we got StUcK!  Everyone had to get out of the hay wagon while David got the tractor out (luckily he was in his office and ran out to help).  All the moms and the kids were very good sports!!  They waited patiently and then reloaded when David was ready!  We are thankful for visitors (and people we visit) that go with the flow!!

The front duck is a runner duck.

We went to the birthday party of a 2-year-old.  We’d been told that he was an animal lover and it was no exaggeration!  He sat and petted animal after animal for over an hour.  His birthday gift?  A couple of ducks!  He made frequent visits to a neighbor’s where he had fallen for the runner ducks the neighbor had.

Another 2-year-old wasn’t very interested in the animals at his party, but one of the other little boys was ready to go with us and an even younger girl pet every animal much to the surprise of her mother!

We were at an event where there were chairs set up for the children with the plan for the adults to sit back at tables behind.  The organizer was shocked when adults sat in the first row!!  And once we went to an assisted living place.  The plan was for there to be three groups that would come out so it wouldn’t be crowded and everyone would have an opportunity to meet and pet the animals.  We were asked to set up in a patio area.  To our surprise, and the surprise of the organizer, EVERYONE came out at once.  It was very crowded, but the people were so excited and very patient as we made our way around walkers and wheelchairs and people with canes.  In spite of the crowd, it was fun! It just goes to show that people are never too young or too old to get involved with our animals!!

Talking Turkey....cuz Turkey Day is Coming --

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it seems appropriate to talk turkey.  Here are some things you might not know about the turkey:

1. With about 600 million turkeys in the world (National Geographic, May 2011), about 90% of Americans eat turkey at Thanksgiving and 50% consume turkey at Christmas (www.home.aristotle.net/Thanksgiving/trivia-submit.asp  2012).  

A white broadbreasted and a Spanish black heritage turkey -- the same age.

2. Turkeys are the only breed of poultry native to the Western Hemisphere, with the first turkeys being domesticated in Mexico and South America (www.infoplease.com/spot/tgturkeyfacts.html  2012), and there is evidence that they have been around for over 10 million years (www.baltimoremd.com/content/turkey1.html  2012). 

Turkeys are curious birds and investigate everything -
and we haven't had one drown in the plastic goose/duck pond,
though my cousin said that she had one that drowned in a trough
(it got in and couldn't get out).

3. Contrary to popular belief and in spite of the musical that I really like (1776), Benjamin Franklin did not go head to head with others in favor of the turkey being the national bird.  The legend seems to have originated with a letter to his daughter about six months after the national coat of arms was accepted with the bald eagle as the national bird.  His letter mainly referenced his feelings about a military fraternity and after finding fault with the society's motives and its concept, he writes:

    Others object to the Bald Eagle, as looking too much like a Dindon, or Turkey. For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen as the Representative of our Country. His a Bird of bad moral Character...Besides his a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. His therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country, tho' exactly fit for that Order of Knights which the French call Chevaliers d'Industrie.

 I am on this account not displeas'd that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For in Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bid, and withal a true original Native of America...He is besides, tho' a little vain and silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Genadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.

 So, while Benjamin Franklin may not have been that happy with the choice of the Bald Eagle, he never actively promoted the turkey (www.americanheraldry.org/pages/index.php?n=MMM.Turkey?action=print).  The things we learn in history class...

I left the dog kennel open and came home to roosting turkeys. 
When they saw me, they came to greet me. 
Who wouldn't like that?!?

4.  Several sources claim that, unlike wild turkeys, domesticated turkeys can't fly.  It is clear that they haven't been to GEE Funny Farm where our turkeys fly short distances on a regular basis.  While we have mostly heritage turkeys that are much more similar to wild turkeys in build and functioning ability, we happen to have a broad-breasted turkey who flies over our six foot fences on a regular basis -- which surprised even us, since that has not been our experience before.

Several of my heritage turkeys, at a young age,
roosting on our 6 foot kennel fence. 
Yep, they flew up there.

5. And finally, there is the claim that domesticated turkeys are so dumb that they will look up at falling rain and end up drowning.  Snopes says it ain't so. And we certainly haven't had that experience.  You can go to Snopes to find out what they believe caused the myth.



My favorite turkey, Sariah, coming
to visit at the front door. 

Sariah at the back door.
How can I not love this bird who seeks me out?

While we have heard from people that turkeys are 'dumb.' Ours come when called and know where to find food and water (including from the dishes of the other animals on the other side of the fence).  And while we may be among the Americans enjoying turkey at one of our holiday meals, we really love and appreciate our birds.  We are glad that they enjoy a life of leisure and fun as they wander where they will every day and that they have a secure place to go at night (from which they can and do escape if I'm not on hand when they feel it is time to get going in the morning - they fly through the opening between fence and 'roof.')  I really like turkeys...and not just eating them.

Another Weird Pet (Back Then)

 While David and I were newly married, my best friend showed up with a weird critter.  It was a ferret. 

While ferrets are common in pet stores these days, back in the 1970s they were practically unheard of. I thought it was so cool that I found one (I think Robyn, my friend, actually found it).  We named her Meshach.  She was very clever and active and fun.  And a few months later she disappeared in Robyn’s trailer house.  We thought she went through a small hole in the bathroom.  David made small holes in the bottom of the trailer, trying to find her.  We never did.  I cried for days.  I often wonder what happened. (Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Rhoton for the holes we left in the trailer – they probably didn’t help the insulation).

A while later, we found another ferret for sale.  I was glad that Monamie was darker since Meshach had been white.  When we found Shawnicey, it didn't matter that he was white.  He was so playful!

      

Monamie

Shawnicey playing with my parents' puppy.

 

And then the Sheriff’s office was called because a woman woke up at a truckstop with a strange ‘rat-like’ animal sitting on her chest.  She was totally freaked!!  At the time, I was a dispatcher for the Department of Public Safety (Highway Patrol) and someone at the Sheriff’s office knew I had ferrets.  They called, after the one they had found was quarantined and no one claimed him, and asked if I wanted him.  Umm, of course I did.  At first, Shawnicey and Monte 'argued' a little and I figured it was just to establish pecking order, so we thought it would all work out.  Later, they were very aggressive with each other, so they couldn't be let out at the same time, and we had to have separate cages for them.

Monte (found at a truck stop) at the Sheriff's office in Williams.
We took Monamie and Shawnicey in to see if they would get along.

We thought three ferrets were enough (especially since the boys didn't get along), but then we met  a poor little ferret that I am sure had brain damage.  She was sweet, but seemed totally out of it a lot of the time.  All of the other ferrets accepted her, so she came to our house to live. 



Bandite, the weird little ferret.

We tried breeding them, and had one litter.  None of the babies survived, and we didn't want to go through that again, so we had them all neutered and descented – no, they weren’t sold that way back then -- which improved their smell considerably, though not completely.   Ferrets have a built in defense system similar to a skunk's. They have a very unpleasant odor when they become frightened, though not as strong as a skunk's and it dissipates a lot with soap and water.  Even descented, and in the best of circumstances, ferrets have a musky odor.  Sometimes, with some perfumes or colognes, I think of ferrets.

Shawnicey getting a 'bath.'

Our ferrets were smart.  They knew that they had to use the litter box before they could be out in the house.  They were pretty good about using it anyway, but it was a requirement before they could leave the cage.  They liked attention and they were fun to watch. Ferrets, handled a lot, are friendly and playful.  They are curious and like to investigate everything!

 

 

 

We had the ferrets long enough that our oldest son played with them.  While I've heard of ferrets hurting children, ours were friendly and liked attention.  We were always with our son when he handled the ferrets and it is very important to spend a lot of time with ferrets or any other exotic animal pet.

Picking the ferret up.

Carrying him around.

Putting him away (notice Monamie at his feet).

Something that was interesting to me was that, while I had never heard of ferrets before and a lot of people who saw us out walking our little business (group of ferrets), both of my grandfathers had had ferrets when they were younger.  My paternal grandfather had passed away, but my grandmother told how he had used ferrets for hunting rabbits.  He sent the ferret into the hole to chase the rabbit out.  He and other hunters would be at other rabbit holes and bag the rabbit as it came out.  Sometimes the ferret would catch a rabbit, eat it, and fall asleep in the hole.  Then my grandfather would go back later to get it when the ferret would make its way out. Who knew?!?  My maternal grandfather didn’t actually own the ferret, but he told how they used it in a factory where he worked to keep the vermin down.  My grandparents were not particularly impressed that we had them as pets.

We had them for about 8 years – They moved from Arizona to Virginia with us.  Three of them passed away (two were not babies when we got them – they were longer lived than the ones people get now). One of the ones who passed away had a tumor (I still have the x-ray somewhere), and I guess that is common even today. One we gave to my veterinarian’s kids when we were moving into an apartment in a different state (Missouri) and couldn’t take him.

I've been asked why we don't have them now.  I was glad that I had ferrets.  Because people started breeding them when they first became popular, ferrets now have many more health problems than they did at first - breeders don't always worry about inbreeding, breeding even if their animal has defects, etc. Also, my daughter had them for a while as a teen, and even with handling, they weren't as responsive as our first ones were.  I don't know if that is breeding, or because there are so many that they don't get attention when they are very young.  So, no ferrets for now.

I liked the uniqueness of the ferrets.  Each had its own personality, like all animals, and they were interesting.  I liked taking them for short walks (they kind of went their own way and I followed along so I guess they actually took ME for walks).  While we lived in Virginia, I took them to the Science Center and did presentations with them -- the pros and cons of having them.  Plus, I don’t know if I would have heard the stories about my grandfathers if I had not gotten them.  That might have made it worth it in any case!

 

A side note:  In the photo album where I found the pictures, I wrote, "We have talked about starting a small zoo with many unusual pets."  David won't confirm that he thought that, but it is there is writing! 

My Not Quite a Pet Exotic Pet - Sam

When I was in Junior High school, my dad opened a second hand store across town.  He was quite the wheeler-dealer and he ended up with a peculiar looking animal that he planned to put in the window to draw people into the store.

The owner of the animal brought it in and it got loose.  It went into a carpet roll or something like that and my dad told me to go in and get it.  I started to go and the guy said, “Hey, that animal bites, don’t send her after it.”  My dad said, “She can get it.” And I did.

One of my favorite people was the elementary school librarian (she was MY librarian when I was at the elementary school and my mom’s friend – my mom was a first grade teacher at the same school).  Mrs. Rush started researching to find out what this odd animal was.  After a couple of days she announced that it was a vulpine phalanger. 

 

Not long after that, a student from Northern Arizona University came by.  He was from Australia and he said, “I heard you had a vulpine phalanger – what would you want with one of those!!  They are real pests!  Farmers hate them!” 

 

Vulpine phalangers are marsupials and are sort of like our opossums.  They are considered to be nuisances.

Meanwhile, once Sam was put into his cage, my dad said that I shouldn’t try to handle him because I might get bit – go figure.  However, I worked at the store on Saturdays and my dad was barbering, so I would open the cage and give Sam carrots and other veggies.  I wasn’t disobedient enough to handle him, but he did get where he would come and sit by me because I gave him treats.

Aren't vulpine phalangers cute?!?

 

Maybe my dad got more cautious after he saw his teeth!

Eventually, my dad sold him (maybe he found out I was hand feeding him).  I was sad.

 A couple of guys from school came by and for the next four years (through junior high and high school) they called me Sam because of the vulpine phalanger. 

 

My First Exotic Pets

I’ve been told that I should tell some animal stories about my experiences with various animals.  While my mom and dad were not particularly interested in accumulating animals, they were always supportive of me.  The other day, a friend visited from Flagstaff (where I grew up) and said, “I just never imagined you on a farm.”  However, I don’t think my parents were surprised.

When I was eight, my dad ordered two chipmunks from the back of a Field and Stream magazine (or some similar magazine).  We’d always had dogs and cats and my uncle gave me his kids' rabbit (and dog) while they were out of town.  But the chipmunks were my first ‘exotic’ animals.

I was excited to get them!  They were so cute.  They came in a little cage. The cage probably wasn’t really big enough for them, but it had a wheel and a hideout and it came with them, so we thought they were fine.  I couldn’t wait to get my hands on them – until they bit me!  I was astonished and a little afraid.  I tried feeding them goodies, but I kept my hands well away from their vicious little teeth!

Then one Saturday in the summer, the East Flag's Kid’s Day Parade was happening!  Wallace and Ladmo would be there (they were two guys that had a kids’ show on TV that I watched) and there would be prizes for pets.  Pets in costumes, pets doing tricks, etc.  Well, how can anyone beat having pet chipmunks (even if they bit!!)?  That day I carried them around in a pocket and I had to handle them to show to various people.  By the end of the day, they didn’t bite anymore.  My sister and I also won a trophy for the “Smallest pet – Chipmunks.” 

Hard to read after all of these years, but it says,
East Flag Kids Day Parade
1964
Kathy & Julie Banning
Smallest Pet: Chipmunk

Sadly, chipmunks have a fairly short life span (about 4-6 years), but I carried them around with me after that – too bad I didn’t have a bonding bag, but we managed!

What I learned from that day at East Flagstaff Kids’ Day Parade was that it was fun to show off your pets.  But more importantly, I learned that you have to tough it out and handle the animal you bring home even if it bites.  I’ve been kicked, bitten, and scratched (There is a great book about a school for animal trainers by that name) and I’ve survived.  Usually, just like my chipmunks, once the animal finds that I won’t give up and I won’t hurt it, it calms down and I can handle it.  Most of the time the animal LIKES to be handled once we get past the biting.  They bite because they are afraid.  My job as their owner is to help them become less afraid and to trust me to protect them.  What I learned from those two little chipmunks had helped me deal with animals all these years!

Ideas for Your Visit to GEE Funny Farm

   We want your visit to GEE Funny Farm to be a fun and rewarding experience.  There are a few things you can do to help that to happen.

1.   Please bring cash to pay for your visit.  We don't accept credit cards or checks.  Sorry if this is inconvenient. It works for us.

2.   Talk to your children about the importance of obeying instructions about how to pet or hold the animal.  Talking to them ahead of time puts us on the same page when I give instructions --- though I’ve had very few problems.  People who come here like animals and want to do the right thing!

 

People who follow directions get to pet all kinds of interesting animals!

 

3.    If you aren’t sure of what the weather is going to be, plan accordingly.  Having a windbreaker or sweater is better than wrapping up in a blanket.  The blanket ends up getting flapped around when you are trying to pet the animals and that might make them nervous – and if it doesn’t, it makes me nervous.

 

Bringing jackets will make you more comfortable and
there won't be flapping blankets that might scare the animals or distract Kathy.

  

4.    We suggest that you wear closed toe shoes (not sandals or flip-flops) to protect your feet.  Goats, sheep, mini pigs, horses, donkeys, and llamas have hooves.  While they would not purposely step on anyone, they do move around sometimes and may step on your feet.  Even when you are sitting it is possible that your feet may find their way under the feet of the animal that we are moving as close to you as possible so you can pet it.

Wearing closed toe shoes (tennis shoes, steel toe shoes --
not sandals or flip-flops) will keep your feet and toes safe
when you are around hooved animals.

5.   Bring bug juice or sunscreen if you might need it – most of our property is wetlands (ie swamp) and it often rains, so it is possible that there will be mosquitoes or other annoying insects.  While you are under the canopy for the presentation, the hayride does not have shade and some people (like my grandsons) can get sunburned on sunny days (not that Wisconsin has that many, says the girl from Arizona).

 

You are in the shade under the canopy
(you might want to bring a chair if you don't want to sit on benches provided...
we're working on getting a few chairs for adults. 
These adults brought their camp chairs).

 

No shade when you are in the haywagon, except near a few trees. 
If you burn easily, you might want to apply sunscreen or bring it along.

 

6.    WASH YOUR HANDS!!  We provide warm water and goat milk soap for you to use, and we also have antibacterial soap you can use without water – however, soap and water works as well and doesn’t kill all of the good bacteria on your hands that help to build immunities.

a.     If you eat BEFORE the presentation – wash your hands.  Some little animals smell food and think you might taste good (at least this is what I’ve heard).  Larger animals who smell food will look through your pockets and sleeves and under your shirt trying to find what is making that yummy smell.  While this might seem funny, it is not how we like our animals to be trained.

b.      If you eat AFTER the presentation – wash your hands… people aren’t around animals like in the ‘olden’ days and immunities are not built up like your parents’ or your grandparents’ were – besides dirty hands are yucchy.  (Second verse same as the first...a little bit louder and a little bit worse...)

c.       If you don’t eat and just leave after the presentation – wash your hands… people aren’t around animals like in the ‘olden’ days and immunities are not built up like your parents’ or your grandparents’ were – besides dirty hands are yucchy. (Third verse same as the first...a little bit louder and a little bit worse...)

 

I know, it looks like a water cooler.  In this case it has warm water and
there are soap and paper towels next to it so hand washing is easy.

 

   There you go!  Six things can help you have a great time.  If you have other concerns, please feel free to contact us by email information@geefunnyfarm.com or phone 262-751-8328.

   We look forward to your visit!

Book Review by guest writer Keegan Taylor--Enslaved by Ducks

 

 

 

Well, it’s been some time since our last book review, but your reviewer has just literally laughed out loud whilst reading the story Enslaved by Ducks by Bob Tarte. If you have ever owned one more pet than you planned, or if you have had an animal worm it’s way into your heart against your will, or if you have possibly owned six more animals than you planned (ahem, Kathy and David), then you may be able to relate to this book. Unlike Some We Eat (which we reviewed some months back), Enslaved by Ducks only makes the slightest pretense of being informative and no pretense of being scientific. All in all, it’s just a story of a city man turned country bumpkin, who soon finds himself overruled by (mostly) avian masters.

 

 One example of Tarte’s great sense of humor is his anecdote about trying to subtly out-do people in their pet ownership. He tells about sidling up to a woman buying dog food and sighing about how he can’t get a dog himself. She pats his arm sympathetically and says maybe someday he can, and then he (figuratively) pounces . . . listing off how he’s just too busy with his parrots, dove, ducks, geese, turkeys, rabbits, and cats. And he walks off in triumph. But, of course, it’s a lot funnier when he writes it, and if you’ve ever had something which you feel a little like gloating about then you’ll very likely be able to relate. We won’t say that this has ever been the case with a teenaged daughter of GEE Funny Farm owners, but we will just say that sometimes we suspect that some people really do feel and act this way.

 

 His anecdotes about his psychologist visits are less in our line of work (with animals), but can we just say that they, too, are so delightfully funny. What a wonderful character description! When the doctor reads off questions such as, “Do you hear voices? Do people follow you?” Tarte’s response? – Well, that’s just plain wit!

 

When thinking about my own review, I glanced at Goodreads to see what others were saying. Many people loved it. Many people were indifferent to it. Many people hated it. One of the things we noticed about Tarte’s early animal acquisitions that we knew would end in trouble was his lack of research. That is one of the issues we’re most passionate about: if you’re going to get an animal, then do the research! From dog to bunny to parrot to lizard, you need to know about that specific species’ temperament and needs. We couldn’t be mad at Tarte himself because it’s a mistake so many people make! We just hope that those who read the book will learn from his experience.

 

 Are the Tartes perfect pet-owners? Oh, no, they certainly make mistakes. Is everyone going to be able to relate to them? Probably not. If you don’t have much interest in pets, then this story probably won’t be for you. But all in all, they’re good-hearted people with a delightful, animal-loving story to tell, not unlike the Gees! 



Now That Was Eye Opening by guest writer Keegan Taylor

Somebody from church was given a turkey awhile back, and he gave it to us. We've had it in our basement freezer for awhile now, and I thought I should just go ahead and bake it. I've never baked a turkey before, but I brined it and mish-mashed several recipes together to prepare it, and -- voila! -- my final masterpiece.

Here's the thing, though, in the last couple of years, I've read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver as well as Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat (twice) by Hal Herzog. My parents have also recently been sharing some things they learned from Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. National Geographic also recently had a feature article on feeding our hungry planet. I also have a few friends who are vegan or who have moved in that direction. So generally, overall, I've become more informed about what it takes to create all the meat we consume. I get it and I feel concerned about it, though I haven't figured out how my moral feelings will govern my behavior.

But fixing this turkey was just one step more on the road towards cutting back on meat consumption. When you handle a whole turkey, you see how much meat is on this one animal. This was an 11 pound turkey.

I have some familiarity with animals because of my mom's farm. That experience mixed with my most recent major efforts in the kitchen combined to give me a truly hands-on understanding of what's going on here.

In Some We Love by Hal Herzog, he describes the life of the chicken on your plate in the hen house:

"Cheap meat comes at a cost. A broiler chicken's bones cannot keep up with the explosive growth of its body. Unnaturally large breasts torque a chicken's legs, causing lameness, ruptured tendons, and twisted leg syndrome. According to Donald Broome, professor of animal welfare at Cambridge University, severe leg pain in chickens is the world's largest animal welfare problem. Arthritis, heart disease, sudden death syndrome, and a host of metabolic disorders are prevalent among industrial broilers.

"The living conditions of the animals destined to become chicken nuggets are Dante-esque. The chicks will never see sun nor sky. Because they are so top-heavy, broiler chickens spend most of their day lying down, often in litter contaminated with excrement. As a result, many will develop breast blisters, hock burns, and sores on their feet . . ."

So I've read that before and I've felt anxious about our food consumption around here, with five meat-eaters. But when you have a meat-made turkey lying on your cutting board and you're handling that thing, you can see that there is a very high meat-to-bone ratio. My mom has turkeys. They are the sweetest, most contented things. My mom loves them, because they follow her around and live in a little happy troupe. In the summertime, they have the run of the yard and they mostly forage for their own food. With that turkey in my kitchen, I imagined plucking my mom's healthy, wholesome turkeys and I knew that they would not look like this. They are not the same kind of turkey, but that's the point. The kind of turkey we're consuming in massive amounts are not, by design, healthy animals.

When my parents bought the farm property they now live on an older couple lived there. They owned a horse, a pony, and a sheep, which my parents inherited with purchase of the property. The three animals had all been excessively grain-fed. The pony suffered severe laminitis and the sheep -- the sheep was a horrid, massive, bulky creature whom we named "Mammoth." There was no hope for him by the time we inherited the property. My mom weaned back his grain consumption but he was too far gone. There came a day when the beast could no longer rise. He was just plain too heavy for his own legs. A neighbor came and put an end to Mammoth, may he rest in peace. Now, I know I've gone from turkeys to chickens to turkeys to sheep, but the point here is I would never have wanted to eat that well-fed enormous sheep, but I do regularly eat equivalent kinds of chickens and turkeys. Unfortunately, when I put that turkey meat in my mouth, no matter the fact that I'd been pondering the unfortunate circumstances of its life, I still felt satisfied and pleased with the taste of the turkey. It would be so much easier to align my beliefs and actions if I didn't like the taste of animals.

I'm not really sure what affect this experience will have on our meat consumption around here. My husband isn't all that fond of turkey anyway. When I told him about my experience with the turkey, I said, "Are you listening? Do you care?"

"Yeah. I heard you," he replied, "But, ya know, cruelty just tastes good."

He said this tongue-in-cheek about the turkey because he doesn't even like turkey. But he (and I) do like beef and pork and chicken. But I'd like to think that we weren't so crass as to feel that cruelty does taste good. I'd like to cut back on our meat consumption because that turkey on my table demonstrated full-on that grocery-store poultry absolutely truly is the result of some cruel experimentation, and I don't particularly want to be a party to it.