Thursday, December 31, 2009

What is this GEE Funny Farm Anyway?

Seeing how I didn't get into enormous trouble for posting previously, I've decided to take up this whole blogging thing as my latest hobby. After all, my cage is protected against my favorite hobby: Houdini escapes. I realize that Houdini escapes are a much more unusual hobby, and blogging is being tried by everybody and their dog, but I would venture to guess that I might just be the first bird to try it. Thus, I still think this is a pretty unique hobby for someone of my class.

As the first order of business, I think I best clarify what the deal is with this GEE Funny Farm. You may have noticed the website link on the side, and you may already have checked it out, but you'll also have noticed then that at the top of the page it says "Coming in 2010 to Waukesha County and surrounding areas." Well, here's the problem. Here's why we haven't already started this business thing in 2009 in Waukesha County and surrounding areas: You humans make everything so ridiculously complicated!! Why can't a human be more like a bird?

First, there was this business of getting a USDA license. That is something required by some people that work for the United States Department of Agriculture-- hence, all those letters-- who wants to say "United States Department of Agriculture" all the time? There's just all these things that they want you to do to make sure your animals and your people are safe. Build high enough fences. A bit of electrical fencing here. A bit of extra space there. A couple shots every year from a veterinarian for all the animals on the property. So some cat (not literally a cat, but speaking colloquially to mean a person) came and checked things out and after some little moderations, this whole USDA license business was taken care of.

And now, there's this thing called insurance. Animal protections I get (after all, I think we ought to be protected), but money stuff I'm not so sure about. What I do know is that not everybody is all that keen on insuring animals, both domestic and exotic. So that means we just have to sit here and wait and wait.

We'd hoped to have this insurance business all done by the time Christmas came so that we could go participate in some live nativities. Okay, I admit it, I'm not invited to those events because, well, as far as anybody can surmise there wasn't any critter even remotely like an Umbrella Cockatoo or even a parrot of any kind in Jerusalem at the time of Christ's birth. (This seems like an oversight in planning on the part of angels or, um, whoever it is that plans things that take place here down on earth, but then nobody asked me.) But some of our crowd were hoping to be part of such events because they have reason to believe that some ancestors of theirs or at least very distant relations of their ancestors may, possibly have been there. Unfortunately, no go, even for them.

In any case, this should be taken care of shortly. It better be taken care of shortly. I'm on the edge of my seat to see you people. (Please, no comments on bird's roosting instead of sitting. Because after all, I'm a bird and I can call it whatever the heck I want.) So keep riding aboard this old blog of ours to keep your eyes on our progress. When we're all good and set, you will be the first to know it. After that, you can be so lucky as to set your blue or brown or grey or black or hazel eyes on yours truly . . . and all the other two- and four-legged creatures who belong to this menagerie of ours.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Introducing Asimov the Umbrella Cockatoo

Welcome to the GEE Funny Farm.

So, you've met Asimov. He was a Valentine's Day gift to me -- I was thrilled!! Asimov is a character. Not long after bringing him home, I noticed small nuts and bolts on the floor. I couldn't imagine where they were coming from. Then Asimov's cage began to fall apart. He had unscrewed the bolts holding his cage together!! David used an electric drill to bolt everything together, and Asimov has a padlock on his cage door, because he can open that, too. He really is very smart!!

Umbrella Cockatoos, sometimes called White Cockatoos, are from Indonesia. Because of loss of habitat and trapping for the pet trade, the numbers of Umbrella Cockatoos in the wild have been drastically reduced. It is illegal to trade in wild Umbrella Cockatoos. Asimov was the result of captive bred parrots and was hatched in the United States.

Umbrella Cockatoos are known as 'velcro birds' because they love to be held and cuddled. They are also very LOUD! Asimov is very food motivated and will work for treats (unlike his buddy, Isaac, the African Grey parrot). It is important to do research before acquiring a parrot because each species is very different in temperament and ALL parrots need time and attention from its owner -- just ask Asimov!

Funny Farm Introduction

They're coming to take me away, ha ha,
They're coming to take me away ho ho, he he, ha ha
To the Funny Farm
where life is beautiful all the time...
-Napolean XIV


You wish, right? I mean, you wish you were getting taken to the Funny Farm. Hmm, given that Funny Farm is another phrase for "looney bin" or "madhouse," we ought to clarify that you want to be taken to the GEE Funny Farm. If you were so privileged, you would get to meet Isaac and his handsome, charming, and clever cage-mate, Asimov. You guessed it! I am the debonair fellow who answers to that name.

I have, in fact, resided the longest at the GEE Funny Farm. Back before it was located in Mukwonago, Wisconsin, David gave Kathy moi as a Valentine's Day gift (almost makes you want to puke, right?). All right, I was preceded in Kathy's life by many varieties of dogs, cats, ferrets, and even a raccoon, but I am the best-looking and smartest critter she ever got the privilege of calling her own. (Researchers disagree. They think African Greys are smarter, but who are scientists to decide these things anyway.)

Who am I, exactly? I am an Umbrella Cockatoo. I live in a cage with Isaac the African Grey parrrot. Our closest neighbors are the Prairie Dogs, named Shadrach and Meshach, and the rabbit, Boaz. Slinking among us is the Bengal Cat, Kipling, and bounding around upstairs are the dogs, Amos and Pepper. And I haven't even mentioned all the outdoor animals.

Oh, shoot, Kathy's coming. She'd wanted to start this whole blog thing herself, but I thought I could give the best introduction. More later. Gotta go...